ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴅ

Marlie Here <3 !!

''𝙽𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜. 𝙽𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞''

-The Marias

Oh my dear [REDACTED]. How I love you. My heart and body overflow with the obssesion, with the love, with the care I want to give you.

It's frustating.

Why can't everything be easy? Maybe because I really don't get you.

Not yet, at least.

I really want to, tho. I want to know you, so I can adore you properly

What?

What do I like about you? Oh gosh, where do I start???

Your perfect hair, that attitude, your habilities, your determination, your interests, your eyes (Those dark eyes that I want to light up, to paint with the very eyes of mine. Those eyes that peek through every mask you put up, that I want to take away to stare properlly at you, in the naked eye, no other thing that the truth.) your hands, your sense of fashion, your voice, your way of speaking, how you treat others, how you treat me, but not only that.

I love how you noticed me.

How you noticed everything of me, even things I didn't understand, you knew them. How I turn completely readable, transparent, honest with you. I love it. I miss it. But I miss you, overall. 

 I want to get to know you. Why you lied to me, saying you wouldn't come. But did anyways. How I wanted so desperately to believe everything you said. 

I want to know your thought process, I want to know your mind like you know mine. I want to be your main, I want you to need me, I want to be your wife, your pet, your favorite subject and the one that always runs through your mind. I don't care if other people try to get you, I want to know it is me you'll choose by the end of the day. 

 I imagine us, everyday I can. 

 You, tired from working on your socials, coming out of our room with a grumpy face. Me, greeting you with my most real smile, with some food you love, and massaging your back and neck, fixing your posture as you eat and kissing your neck up and down. 

 I imagine you talking to me about your videos, about the things you like, and I'm sitting across you, caressing your hand and paying attention to everything you say 

 I imagine you breaking down from every little pain in your life, past and present. Resting your head on my chest like a child, and me, caressing now your head. Telling you you're enough. That I love you, that everything it's going to be fine, that I'll help you think of ways of solving your problems, or just listening to them if you need to vent. 

 You hug me tighter by the waist as you bury your beautiful tearful face, so I can't see it, can't see you at your lowest, weak and vulnerable. 

I just kiss the top of your head and don't care how strong or weak you are. I care that is you. I just want you. 

See, I've never felt anything like the golden string that attracts me to you with anyone else, not even with Hochi. 

You're my one and only. I want to sit with you, I want to fuck with you, I want to laugh with you, Dress up with you, wake up every morning knowing it's you I'll see.  

But I'm scared. Too scared.

 Scared that you lied to me because I'm annoying. Because you may not want me around. Scared that maybe you're not what you pretend to be. Scared that you'll preffer your slut before me. That you'll love someone else before I get the courage. Scared that I'm throwing everything away, throwing my life away for someone who I don't know; trully. 

 Because, what if?

 What if you're a porn addict? What if you're not a kind soul? What if you're repulsed by me? (I mean, who wouldn't be...) What if you are not how I think you are? What if I idolized you and now I don't really know if I love you or the idea of loving you. 

 It hurts to be away from you. Every message is a sparkle in the sky of my eyes. Every photo a thump of my  heart, flowing life into my veins. Every fantasy, is a new world to explore, a new way to build the perfect-wife persona for you. Every touch, contact, is a shock of electricity that sends me to the most peaceful sleep.

I fucking love you. I wish I didn't.

I just realized, the problem was never about the person itself, but the age difference. My friends do love everything you've done for me, it's just that they follow morals, and society norms like I should.

But I don't want to. 

How could I want to?

This feels sweet in my throat. In my chest, in my body. I smile, I feel good around you. I know I'm mature enough to be by your side. I'm broken yes, that also makes me not understand those rules that were imposed. Who cares about experiences when we could talk about everything else? Interests, (I've adopted yours, Sweetheart. I'm trying to know everything you like to love it too) morals, or just cuddle with eachother? I want you with me. I feel that I'll be complete once again, if I get to date you, to be with you; to love you.

You're not a bad guy, you wouldn't hurt me. Wouldn't you?

You're everything that makes me live. I want to achieve everything with your praise by my side. With your soft caresses. The ones that calm my inner beast. The ones that always make me melt by your touch. I want you to think highly of me, like I do.

This is so wrong. I know. But I can't help it! I love you I love you I love you!!! I need you! I want you! but I can't have you... can I?

It's funny, cause not only I know you won't read this, but also, I know none of this is real and it's never gonna happen. It's just a small delusion that helps me though every day.

Just a small delusion that makes me happy. 

Just a small. A small something. 

Like myself. 

Do I really not understand things? I feel like I do  (said the mentally unstable person-) I like to think of myself like a really smart person. 

And a very compasionate one.

Oh, by the way, our signs match. They say we could be amazing. The queen and king of everything we propose ourselfs. Just saying :3

Marlie Out <3!!!